I will be the Perfect Mom.
There is a perfect mom – I should be just like her. I will make up in my head what the perfect mom does and spend every day trying to live up to the ultimate mother who does not exist… thereby making myself unhappy and exhausted in the process….
But really – some of those moms I meet are perfect and I want their secret. I see this one – she’s always on time and bakes great cookies. She is obviously perfect…In this one tiny slice of her life that I am seeing…
OK, ok, but some of those moms THINK they’re perfect. And they think I’m a lousy mom!
Alright darlings, gently I ask, could it be that you’re having an insecure day and simply making up that this person thinks she’s perfect?
Or, I admit, it might be true. Plenty of people are all too happy to throw around judgments.
Well – you know what? How unfortunate for them that they are stuck on their high horse, frozen in emotional immaturity while you are in the trenches really learning and growing, I hope one day they get the chance to grow their hearts too.
::Sigh:: Fine, I’ve got to let go of perfection, but what does that mean?!
The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. ~Mortimer Adler
When you let go of perfection:
- You can say, “I am a mother who is in tune with her children and I am always looking for the adjustments we need to make that will improve our family life.”
- You can say, “I made a mistake and I am a big enough person to learn from it and move forward instead of clinging to something that isn’t working.”
- You can say, “This used to work for us, or I thought this would work for us, but I am intelligent and empowered – I can make a change when things aren’t working.”
Every time you make a mistake, every time you fall flat on your parenting face, you are opening the door to a new opportunity to learn.
You my friends, you are perfect examples of life long learning, and isn’t that what we want our children to see – how to continue learning and growing all through their lives?
You might have days when you say, “Please, I don’t want to learn one more thing!”
But all the same, you are doing it. You are looking for the tools you need to raise healthy children. You are trying new ideas and letting go of habits and ideas that no longer fit. It’s not always easy or quick.
Some days you feel burned to ashes, but instead of wallowing in your mistakes, lamenting your imperfections, you are like the Phoenix who rises again.
You are beautiful. Thank you for burning so bright.
What do you say?
Is the myth of perfection keeps you from parenting effectively? Is it keeping you stuck in old routines that no longer work for you? Ready to free yourself from this destructive myth?