Frozen Peas, Gas Cans and Other Unexpected Connection Opportunities
If only I can WAKE UP sometimes, connecting with my kids is much easier than I realize.
A story for you: Last night I had to take my toddler out to get a can of gas to bring my husband – so, not a super thrilling adventure.
I’m busy being in my head thinking about:
Did I fill the can right?
Is it getting gas on the car floor?
I feel bad that she’s eating frozen peas for dinner.
It’s raining.
etc. etc.
And my three year old is in the back seat, trying to get my attention. She’s asking about what we’re doing (which, you know, isn’t some exciting chat: trying to explain “gas can” to a three year old.) Can’t she see I’m busy worrying about the gas can and the peas!?
Wait, let me back up and explain…I think that lots of times finding your chance to connect is about waking up and realizing you’re in a moment where you have that chance. It’s about becoming present in the unexpected moments you have together.
You don’t always get to choose when you can connect with your kids. Sometimes, for instance it means you get to talk about gas cans.
So there I am, sitting in the car giving some long winded talk about how cars ‘go’ when I realized it – this isn’t a boring and inconvenient errand to her. SHE is NOT focused on “poor me I’m eating frozen peas.” She is genuinely interested in what that big red container is, and what we we’re doing. Now is my chance to connect. Just a simple shift in my attitude and I can join her on this interesting adventure she’s having instead of staying distanced from her in my own worried thoughts.
Connection isn’t only about when it’s convenient and special. It’s about realizing that, who knows, frozen peas and gas cans might be a touchstone moment she remembers fondly for the rest of her life.
If I am willing to wake up and be present for her, if I am willing to show her that I value her experience and explain the boring details like ‘what is a gas can?’ I might just get the privilege of going on an unexpected adventure with my daughter.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you notice that your own expectations of what “connecting with kids” looks like is getting in the way of really connecting with your kids?
64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
Subscribe to Download your FREE printable of 64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
I went through this last week when I had to pick up my husband at the garage. I was kind of annoyed, but when my three year old asked where we were going, my description sounded like a rescue job. Soon we were crying “Mommy and Astrid to the rescue!” every time we pulled away at a green light. Super fun.
I love this. Some of my fondest memories as a kid of divorce are of tooling around with my dad doing errands in his convertible (he was town manager of our little Maine town and he had a PHONE in his car! In the 70s!) or working on the old Model A Ford truck together. Just chilling out and talking. Thanks, Alissa! xx a
Loved this share! I just had one of those moments tonight! I can get so preoccupied with having a perfect play session with my twin boys, which I don’t always find the most interesting I will admit, but when I kicked back tonight and just got present and observed them do their thing while they played we really connected and had some great talks. My biggest flaw which I am noticing is wanting these connected moments when I pick my boys up from Pre-K. I want so much to connect and hear about their day and usually I get very little from them as they are obviously beat from the day. Still it’s very frustrating and sometimes it’s hard for me to hide my frustration as I ask questions and get no replies, but today was a lesson in learning to kick back, go with the flow, and really, as you stated, just be in the moment! 🙂 Now to reminder this daily! 😉
Oh how I love this… those moments when you suddenly realise it is these little, sometimes off and silly things, that are those ‘precious moments’ we are so often searching for!
Thanks Kate. I have a tendency to over think things and I’m always glad when I manage to chill out a just BE in the moment like this!
I love this post – a wonderful reminder that we just need to take the opportunities we have to connect with our children rather than waiting for the perfect time. When my daughter was a little younger we would “connect” on walks, while she was in the carriage, excited about the bus and the dog and the truck. It’s funny how much kids have to teach us! 🙂
They do have so much to teach us don’t they? Walks are definitely one of those so-very-simple ways to connect.