Getting Rid of the I’m Fine Motherhood Lie
Ever feel like you’re always the overwhelmed mom? When people ask how you are, you’re always giving the sort of strained, “Oh…I’m…fine….” when what you really want to say is, “I’m done. I’m just DONE.”
In the midst of yet another chaotic day, during which there is no way you will get it all done, and inevitably SOMEONE will be unhappy with you – someone asks how you’re doing.
“I’m fine…”
You say it dismissively and they give an understanding smile about how busy you must be.
It feels kind of lame.
Even if it happens that I am frequently busy and tired, I don’t really WANT to always be the exhausted mom. That’s not how I want to be known. I start to feel like I’m always the downer.
Also, It’s a lie.
I’m usually not “fine” when I reply that way. I’m overwhelmed, or tired, or cranky, or all kinds of confused, but I don’t think the person talking to me actually wants to hear those things, nor do I particularly feel like saying, “I’m tired, thank you, and I need to go grocery shopping, and, as per usual, there is an never ending pile of laundry that must be washed…”
For me, “I’m fine.” is a lie that tells the listener, “I’m a bit of a mess but look at me, I’m so valiantly pulling through.” It feels like a worn out answer that only serves to make me look scattered and I’m sick of saying it.
So I tried something new this weekend. I was having “One of Those Days.” and in an effort to get out from under my personal pitty rain cloud, I had been thinking to myself of all the things I am grateful for.
I was at a function for the kids, still feeling quite crabby, but with my silent gratitude list running through my head, when the first person I ran into asked, “And how are you doing?” She is a very caring person, she would have kindly listened to my gripes, but on a whim I simply said,
“I’m feeling very grateful today.”
And you know what? When she smiled it was like a little bit of sunshine pushing that self-pitty cloud away. I felt lighter and I felt the truth of the words I had said. On this day and every day I have so much to be grateful for. On my most exhausting motherhood days, gratitude is my saving focal point, and while I don’t always feel, “Great!” or “Fantastic!” I can definitely say, “I’m feeling very grateful.”
And you, how are you today?
64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
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I took my son to see his therapist today and from her persepctive, things looked good. It was devistating to hear her say that, because things don’t look so good from this side. She was able to recognise a small improvement that I lost amongst all the chaos. Trying to be grateful for the small victories…
I feel this way as well, and I need to commit to memory the fact that “I am Grateful” because I could have a lot less and have it a lot worse. It is so much easier to complain when you feel like you’re doing it all alone and no one else ‘gets’ what you are really dealing with on any given day. I am the only one who can turn that around. Dwell on the positives, make it better for everyone.
I’ve had such a great and also stressful day, that this whole post just made me laugh and then burst into tears. Oh, thank goodness no one asked me in person, or they’d think I’m crazy! My deadlines were nuts, but my sweet boy played in the sink and under the desk with the dog and ran so fast on our after dinner walk (before landing on his face), and was so happy and sweet despite my distraction. What a great, great kid. I’m so lucky!