Meditation on Breathing – for those in distress
Each week I send Bounceback Parenting Learning Lounge members a check-in email. It’s both a message with a bit of learning that I’ve gained recently, and a reminder to members to reflect and think back on the week, integrating lessons learned. I decided this week’s check-in was one I wanted to share with everyone.
Lesson: When I breathe in, I breathe in peace. When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
This week I was reminded, that when I know not what else to do, I have to start with me. If I am too fearful or upset to think, I have to start there, by finding center again.
No matter what your political bent, I know you are part of this community because you are doing your best to raise compassionate, kind children. You care deeply about making a more peaceful world. You love fiercely.
Like me, you are probably moved by the pain, anger and hate you see coming across our news feeds and our televisions. I see people shutting each other out, pushing others away from them. You may be feeling fear, anger or frustration at a group of people or at individuals in your life.
Anger and fear are not inherently bad emotions – both can give us direction (here’s what I want to avoid!), power (I have the energy to do something!), and can be catalysts for change and action (I am ready to accept discomfort and galvanized to take action!).
It is when these emotions overwhelm us and move us from useful stress into distress that we have a problem. When we’re overwhelmed and move into our lower brain (as Dr. Seigel describes it in [easyazon_link identifier=”0553386395″ locale=”US” tag=”lissybug-20″]Mindsight[/easyazon_link]), we’re reacting from a fight-or-flight, triggered standpoint. In distress we react thoughtlessly, or become paralyzed. Neither is helpful.
Until we have regained our own center, anger and fear remain useless.
I had been feeling anger and fear in a big way – seeing a world desperately in need of empathy and struggling with my own emotions and my own need to DO something.
Then I remembered this meditation that I learned years ago:
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
When I breathe in, I breathe in peace. When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
When I breathe in, I breathe in peace, When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
When I breathe in, I breathe in peace. When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
When I breathe in, I breathe in peace. When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
I thought about what I say to myself and other parents about dealing with anger at our kids.
I say that the first thing to do as a parent when you realize you are triggered and furious is to PAUSE. Do what you can to breathe and come out of your amygdala, your lower brain, which reacts rather than responds. Before you do something – before you react, find center again. When I breathe in, I breathe in peace. When I breathe out I breathe out love.
This is powerful. This is how you find your way when you feel darkness closing in. This is how you move out of making choices based on fear and choose love instead. This is how empathy starts.
And when we listen to one another, this is where real peace starts. That may seem scary, or not big enough, but as my wise 9 year old said to me, “Mama, I think people really need to start looking for more win-win solutions.” Yes. And the way we do this is by starting with getting centered ourselves, and then resolving to listen, learn, find compassion and then boldly make choices based in love.
Always learning,
- You can listen to a beautifully sung version of the Meditation on Breathing here.
- You can find out more about the Learning Lounge here.
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very good..I really loved your article.
Teach these 5 Simple Breathing Exercises to your Children.Its gives relief from stress and improve concentration power.
https://www.parentcircle.com/article/5-simple-breathing-exercises-for-children/
Hi Alissa, hope all is well. Love the new site!
I agree that taking some time to gather yourself is an appropriate way to respond to a situation that tests your patience. I say this from experience–in the last couple of weeks at work, some of my coworkers have made some very unsettling comments to me that they did not say before. Sometimes I can’t always respond the way I’d like to, but if I take a second to step back and give myself time to process things, I can look at the situation objectively and figure out what I need to do next.
Thanks for sharing, and happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving Kory, so good to hear from you. All is well, I have much to be grateful for in my life.
I think you say something important here when you say that after taking a moment to process things, then you can think about what to do next. Words like “empathy” and “love” can seem like a weak or impotent position in the face of bigotry or hatred, but they aren’t the end point – there is a ‘what to do next’ which, of course will be different for each of us. No matter what that next action, if we take a moment to center ourselves, we’ll make better choices.
Meditation is one practice that helps ease stress and anxiety that a person’s has. It benefits not only your mind, but also your body and soul.