You Don’t Have to Be a Pancake Mom

By Alissa Marquess Zorn on May 23, 2014 (updated October 24, 2016)

Ditch the guilt.

I am rather fond of pancakes. I’ve even written about how pancakes are “perfect for teaching kids to cook.” My best mama friend on the other hand…she thinks I’m a bit crazy. This is her take on pancakes, parenting and finding your joy. ~Alissa

Lorien: Once I got a call from Alissa on a day that we were planning to meet up at the park and she was running behind, having ‘one of those mornings’. Her solution to the chaos around her made me literally laugh out loud. She was making pancakes, WITH the kids!

Now this might seem perfectly reasonable to you, but for me, in my home it would be a recipe for absolute disaster. I confided to her that I only make pancakes when there is ample time, another adult present, and almost always without my kids.

Cooking with my kids stresses me out; it makes me feel guilty because I think I should cook with them, and what’s more I should like cooking with them.

Roll black and white images of perfect mom making cookies in a spotless kitchen with disturbingly happy kids. It’s one of those things that makes me think, ‘If I were a good mom I would…’

Alissa’s children demonstrating what a good mom she is as they nicely make pancakes with her…

Snap out of it! This thinking is all wrong! I am great at including my kids in plenty of things, and I find joy in plenty of activities with my kids, just not cooking! Being a good parent does not revolve around one particular skill.

Alissa happens to be good at cooking with her kids. I am not.

Once I let go of having to be a perfect pancake mom, I was able to relax about it and turn my focus to the activities that work best for my family. (Also, ironically, by relaxing I was actually able to enjoy cooking with my kids…sometimes.)

Alissa: So, know this. You do not have to be a pancake mom.

If you’ve got a guilt inducing pancake mom in your head, you are welcome to send her packing, just like the Should Mama.

You can be a book mom, or a sports mom, or a hair styling mom, or a singing mom. And some days you may simply be a “fed them dinner and that was a win.” mom. We’ve got different strengths and we’ve got ups and downs. Parent from your strengths, cultivate joy. You’ve got this.

You don’t have to be a pancake mom.

If you’d like inspiration and support for connection not perfection in your family, sign up to be notified when the Everyday Connection Quest begins again. Join Lorien and Alissa on a journey to build small daily habits that make a big difference in July.

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