Is this why you’re yelling at your kids?
You think you’re holding it together…you’re trying to keep your cool, and then WHAM, all of a sudden you’re yelling at your kids.
Sometimes our anger seems to come out of nowhere – something completely normal for our kids to do pushes us to yelling when the day before we would have just laughed at the same situation. We shout and then think, “Where did that come from??” Many times it’s not even your child’s actions that actually caused your anger.
Do You Know Your Anger Triggers?
You might have had one or more background anger triggers heating you to a simmer before your child ever pushed you over the boiling point. We are human. It is perfectly acceptable to have a few QUIRKS, some things that just cause you to be more grouchy, more likely to be angry. When you know what triggers your anger you can be proactive about these triggers and prevent them from causing you to lose your temper.
I try to remain vigilant about my own anger triggers so I can take action to keep myself calm. For instance, too much sound and noise can send me OVER THE EDGE. The kids might just be being kids, so I’ve got to turn off the radio if that extra sound is going to make me snap. Or if the kids’ play is making the kind of sound that I know is likely to trigger me, I need to notice that as soon as possible so I can make a choice about what to do before I’m on sensory overload myself. (ie. go to another room, give them an alternative play choice, send them out back to play, etc.)
Possible anger triggers to watch for:
- Low blood sugar
- Dehydration
- Being too hot or cold
- Eating sugar (We can be as susceptible as our kids to this.)
- Drinking a glass of wine or beer (I know, many of us would like to relax this way, but sometimes it’s the thing that keeps you from holding it together too. You know yourself.)
- Windy days
- Various sensory input (I have a friend who noticed that bare feet on tile floors makes her angry.)
We tend to try to help our kids with their surroundings and food choices and forget that we’ve got to take care of ourselves too. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t make you impervious to annoyance, and your kids are not going to pipe up to give you permission to take care of yourself. You’ve got to know what is likely to send you over the edge and do something about it so that you can make good parenting choices.
When we notice what makes us edgy and uncomfortable, we can make choices that will help us stay centered. When we know our anger triggers we can do something about them before we yell at our kids.
What about you? Do you have a few anger triggers? Do you feel bad about stopping to take care of yourself? I’d love for you to leave a comment about how you can be proactive about stopping the yelling by taking care of yourself. Leave us a note below!
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Great post! I have found that recognizing my own triggers is a wonderful (and sometimes scary) way to work on myself. I ponder on why this particular thing is a trigger, what feeling memories does it conjure up for me. I also like a Jungian technique that over exaggerates the trigger. For example: if clutter is a trigger, I will intentionally add more clutter, even delight in the process of cluttering. Then I sit with it without trying to fix it or figure it out. I just sit and focus on relaxing and opening myself up to whatever comes to me. I also like to say out loud “That’s a trigger!” The kids laugh at me sometimes but I hear them start to say it too. When I say it, it becomes less mysterious and frightening. Then we can talk about it openly together. Parents being human is the hardest thing for kids (and often adults) to accept.
I love your idea to say out loud, “That’s a trigger!” So helpful! You hit on something so important – that ability to make anger less mysterious and frightening and instead move towards it being an emotion you can get to know and learn to work with. Thanks for your contribution!
Alissa
Mine is definitely visual clutter. I HATE clutter and mess. It makes me feel a loss of control and I can only handle it for so long and I lose it. Especially when I feel like I’m the only that cares about the mess.