What phrases do you say each day to your kids? Which ones do you want them to remember?
In the years since my grandmother has been gone, I am still inspired to notice the good things in life when I remember the way she would pause at those good moments and say, “This, now, this is good.” To this day I can hear my mother encouraging me when I try new things. Her voice of confidence from my childhood continues to give me confidence now.
And eighteen years after my dad died, I can still hear him, when I get too serious saying, “Lighten up, Lissy!” In moments of complete self-doubt and embarrassment, I still bolster myself by thinking of him singing, “Oops, you made a mistake, and you’re beautiful to me.”
All of these words of encouragement from my parents and grandparents have stayed with me.
What do you say that will stay with your kids for the rest of their lives?
Certainly, words can become meaningless when they aren’t followed with action, but nonetheless, words have great power. You can choose to add more positive ones to your days.
Coming up with a few encouraging words for kids or positive phrases to say tips the scales towards the kindness you want your kids to imitate.
You never know the words of encouragement from you that your kids will carry with them for years.
I am happy to offer a poster version of this list here.
64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
May this list inspire you to turn to your child and say something like:
- You are loved
- You make me smile
- I think about you when we’re apart
- My world is better with you in it
- I will do my best to keep you safe
- Sometimes I will say no
- I have faith in you
- I know you can handle it
- You are creative
- Trust your instincts
- Your ideas are worthwhile
- You are capable
- You are deserving
- You are strong
- You can say no
- Your choices matter
- You make a difference
- Your words are powerful
- Your actions are powerful
- Your emotions may be powerful
- And you can still choose your actions
- You are more than your emotions
- You are a good friend
- You are kind
- You don’t have to like what someone is saying in order to treat them with respect
- Someone else’s poor behavior is not an excuse for your own
- You are imperfect
- So am I
- You can change your mind
- You can learn from your mistakes
- You can ask for help
- You are learning
- You are growing
- Growing is hard work
- I believe you
- I believe in you
- You are valuable
- You are interesting
- You are beautiful
- When you make a mistake, you are still beautiful
- Your body is your own
- You have say over your body
- You are important
- Your ideas matter
- You are able to do work that matters
- I see you working and learning every day
- You make a difference in my life
- I am curious what you think
- How did you do that?
- Your ideas are interesting
- You’ve made me think of things in a completely new way
- I’m excited to see what you do
- Thanks for helping me
- Thank you for contributing to our family
- I enjoy your company
- It’s fun to do things with you
- I’m glad you’re here
- I’m happy to talk with you
- I’m ready to listen
- I’m listening
- I’m proud of you
- I’m grateful you’re in my life
- You make me smile
- I love you
Encouraging Children with Words
Research has been done to show that the kind of praise that we give to our children can ultimately influence them and motivate them later in life. Therefore, when we utter these words of encouragement to our children, we want to focus on the effort rather than their talent.
The best thing you can do is show them encouragement when they try their best. It doesn’t matter if their abilities are top-notch or above others; they are looking for encouragement at that moment as they put their effort into the task at hand.
Choosing specific phrases to use can also help encourage them. Don’t generalize your words of encouragement too much. Be specific to what they are working to accomplish. If they are painting a picture, for example, focus on the different colors they have chosen rather than just saying good job.
You also want to be careful to avoid giving them TOO MUCH praise. Too much praise can actually result in negative effects down the line. They will begin to think that they no longer have to try to succeed and their self-confidence may be off the charts. Remember, as parents; we are looking to encourage them while making a positive impact.
The praise you offer your children should also be sincere and honest. If the praise you are offering doesn’t feel sincere, then they will likely not feel encouraged at all. The praise is ultimately discounted and can lead to a child to practice self-criticism.
When offering encouragement, you need to avoid controlling or conditional praise, as well. When you use praise and encouragement to control your child, then they think this approval and positivity depends solely on performance and great results. Self-worth is important for a child and can begin to develop as young as two years old.
Positive self-worth will ultimately equate to positive terms and higher self-esteem. When they view themselves having negative self-worth, they will also develop low self-esteem, and their success will be attributed in their mind to their success or failure and dependent on their abilities rather than their motivation to try.
You always want to avoid comparison praise too because instead of motivating them to work harder, it will end up backfiring. When comparing your child to others and praising them by comparison, they become vulnerable to setbacks they may experience in the future.
They will never stop comparing themselves to others when they fail, and they will become frustrated and begin to feel helpless while losing their motivation.
The Benefits of Encouragement
When we encourage our children with our positive words and affirmations, we are boosting their self-esteem, helping them learn to believe in themselves, assisting in developing their imagination and creativity, and also motivating them to continue to try hard and do their best in everything.
When children fail, it makes an impression; much, in the same way, this kind of positive encouragement can also make an impression. It has been said that positive reinforcement can help condition a child to continue to repeat the behavior they are praised for.
Sometimes the positive phrases might sound hokey, or when you say them over and over, you might wonder if they’re losing power, but here’s how I think about that: I hope that repetition means that some of them stick.
Years from now, when my children face a difficult job interview, a challenging conversation with their spouse or a day that seems like all of the ends are unraveling, my hope is that they’ll remember hearing me encouraging them, and their internal voice will say, “I have faith in you. I’m sure you can handle it. You are loved.”
You can get a poster version of this list here.
You may also like:
- Being More Present – 100 Ways to be Kind to your Child
- Increasing Resilience – The One Question to Ask Before Helping Your Kids
- Connecting with Kids – Best Family Board Games
- Believing You Are Enough – Banishing the Should Mama
Loving, positive words are important!
My 5 and 3 year old will always say “but luckily you still love us even when we are naughty”. I made a rhyme “I love you when you’re naughty, I love you when you’re good, I’ll love you when I shouldn’t, I’ll love you when I should”. They always say it
Aww, I love that Beverley!
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I love you sooo much, like seriously! **huge hugs**
I always say to my little girl, “I love you SOOO much”.
To which she replies, “I love you TOOOO much mummy”.
I love you more than all the fishes in the sea, more than all the birdys in the sky and more than all the stars in the night.
Peace, love, happiness. Have a great day!
may i translate this and post to my blog? which is in turkish 🙂
I’m proud to be your mom.
&
My life is better because you are in it.
Really great encouraging words of wisdom!
We high five all the time, it makes them feel so good. At bedtime I whisper during cuddle time, “You are my special” and whrn we’re having a bad day I always reiterate how they are special to me even though we’ve not had a good morning etc. Etc.
When my son & our daughter in law were pregnant with their 1st child, (they were living with us) I over heard them talking one day. He was asking her to get something for him, she asked him what the magic word was & he responded “Now” with a grin on his face. It was then that I came up with the standing family “rule” that when you ask someone for something you have to always include “please, thank you and I love you”. The person being asked CAN’T refuse if asked in this manner. They both looked at me like I was crazy but I explained to them if they got into the habit of doing this before the baby was born, then it would be routine and the baby would learn to say the same. It was funny how it caught on to almost everyone in the family & even close friends. Now my grandson is 3 1/2 & when he asks for something and you remind him to say the magic word, he promptly days “please thank you and I love you” . Just wanted to share…..
So sweet and lovely…
Thanks for sharing…. I’m so stealing thos
You’ll always be the right size for a kiss/cuddle
“Love you more”
Thank you so much, Lissy! Very proud of you it´ll be your father, anywhere he´s lovefully looking at you, and vice versa.
Love you more
Thank you for this 🙂
Beautiful. Thank you!
I’m so glad God put you in my family… (One of my favorites…..)
Thank you, Lindsay.
This one is for me!
X
Love this!
#25You don’t have to like what someone is saying in order to treat them with respect
#2 and #63 are the same: “you make me smile”.
Yes, I liked the way it worked that way with the repetition. We spend a lot of time correcting our kids, and sometimes it’s really worth letting them know they make us happy.
I tell them I am so happy I get to be your Mommy. And they both are my favorite kids in the whole universe.
Here’s ours for the week: you can and will earn back my trust.
Kerry Penman Gaines – ooh, that sounds like a tough one. Great positive phrase to come out of it though.
@kerrypenmangaines I am adding that to my list of phrases, such a powerful reminder that all is not lost and that they are loved and valued inspite of their mistakes even when it costs them someones trust. Thank you for sharing that!
That’s wonderful. In my day, people didn’t say those good things to their children, at least not in the home I grew up in. I felt all that love for my sons, but am not sure how often I expressed it verbally. Sometimes it could make the difference between a kid giving up or growing up.
I understand your comment so well.
These are great ideas and I, like you, also run scripts in my head and try to be intentional with building my kiddos up. Thanks for the post!
Great list 🙂
“thanks, helper!” or “what a tidy guy!” or “tell me!”. My job is to keep you safe and loved. That’s your choice to make. You give good hugs.
It is so true that we carry our parents’ words the rest of our lives. I was unfortunately told things like “you were always a little bit fat”, “your foot was retarded,you walked funny growing up”, “crying won’t help”, etc etc. I still struffle every day with self worth issues,despite being actually quite pretty I suppose. Love your kids folks. Mt mom is a narcissist.
Quite a few adults need to hear that one as well. Is your name really Lothlorien?
I normally say, “What a beautiful day!” My daughter has repeated this since.
My daughter is 12, my son is 3. To this day i have planted kindness into my children by always being polite and always say please, thank you, excusse me and im sorry. People are amazed when my children respond in such manner and i always hear “uou dont see or hear children say such things. What wonderful children you have, your doing a good job mom.” See i grew up in the south and maners are a big deal, and it can make all of a difference.
I try my hardest to make sure my children know the meaning of kindness and like my grandfather always said “Just holding the door open, saying please and thank you and saying im sorry can make a persons day.” Throughout the years i have added to my grandfathers words to me while growing up, just a simple hug and the words i love you and your the best can make someones bad day into a good day. I may not be the best with words but my actions speak through my children.
For my new year resolution i am going to post these powerful phrases on my wall and make it a point to say these to my children everyday. Who knows maybe it will also change my outlook and make ne more posative as well. We all could use pisative words in our everyday life.
Thank you for your post, it has truly made me realize that i should say things like that more often. Thank you so much.
I work with women to remove the negative scripts in their head and replace with positive words such as these. It is never too late to start using them on ourselves, for whilst we are not responsible for the programming we have as children we are definitely in control of the words we choose to use on ourselves and with our children as adults and have the power to change a negative cycle. Thanks for a lovely post. I hope parents are inspired to use the words, because they will 100% make a difference to their children’s lives.
I work with women to remove the negative scripts in their head and replace with positive words such as these. It is never too late to start using them on ourselves, for whilst we are not responsible for the programming we have as children we are definitely in control of the words we choose to use on ourselves and with our children as adults and have the power to change a negative cycle. Thanks for a lovely post. I hope parents are inspired to use the words, because they will 100% make a difference to their children’s lives.
Wow, perfect. Fortunately, I found your website!
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Super awesome sharing.. Very helpful to work on
Alice Andress Grayson
Just 63, #2 & #63 are the same 😉
@Sam So do I, and I agree that this is where it begins … with the messages from parents and teachers. So important to get these messages in play as early as possible, and keep them in play long after we think they’ve heard enough.
I want to print this up!
beautiful
Amy Hoeft Shannon were you the one that recently posted about finding more ways to tell your kids “good job”? This made me think of that post I saw.
totally sharing. This is another great print-and-hang, thanks!
Thanks!
My son and I tell eachother how much we like eachother. For him, it means something.
“NO” should be on that list. That’s why we have so many brats. Too many Parents are afraid to use that word.
You appear to have glossed over No.6?
“Sometimes I will say no” is not “no”. It’s crap like this is why we have so many monsters on our hands. Be tougher on kids, not softer.
Oh for goodness sake. It’s a blog post. It’s meant to be read – so when I was writing it I wanted to put “no” on the list as obviously it’s critical that parents say no. However, in the flow of reading the list it would have sounded really odd to just have the word no. And either way, referring to kids as brats and monsters does no good in understanding their behavior, nor your place in it.
This person is a troll. Your justifications are not necessary, dear one. This person heard nothing but “no” as a child and has chosen to remain in that pain. I also heard nothing but “no” because I was not loved by my mother. “No” was about the least damaging thing my mother said to me. I was lucky and smart and decided to love and parent myself, so much as I could. I chose not to have children because I was abused and understood that I needed to nurture myself. I’m here because I’m still doing that. Beautiful post!
You sound really angry.
We hope you enjoy the week on your retreat !!! We are praying that you are truly blessed!!!
Love & Prayers,
Teresa & Jerry
Wat can I do to prevent my girfriend from stoping to spoil her child,cos she’s not mine bt I love both of dem bt she is a spoilbrat?
WOW! I found this post after a Google search. It brought me to tears. Thank you! It was exactly what I was looking for
My son is only 6 month and every morning I tell him I love him more than anything in the world….and at bed time I always tell him he is beautiful smart and important and loved x
I love this list, and will be sharing it! Thank you!
As I’m tucking my kids in at night, I tell each of them, “I love you always and forever no matter what. “. I have done this every night since they were little, and they are 12 and 7.
i love it to <3
Thank you! Love your tag line too–looking for joy in ordinary chaos. I can easily get triggered by my kids but when I am kind, compassionate and considerate (starting with myself) my kids do so much better (ie. are encouraged) and I get the benefits. And for the folks who think we are being too soft on our kids: Setting limits with our kids can be done respectfully. (Even when parents get mad. Yes, yes, we are human, after all.) The benefits are that you foster a wholesome connection. And, its magic when the kid generates (out of volition, not fear) its own limits. When I make mistakes, I’d rather be told straight rather than be shamed, chewed out or scolded. I’m open to making amends rather than in a defensive mode.
Even though it is long after they were written, I want to post a comment to say that I really appreciate these words:
“its magic when the kid generates (out of volition, not fear) its own limits. When I make mistakes, I’d rather be told straight rather than be shamed, chewed out or scolded. I’m open to making amends rather than in a defensive mode.”
I was really excited to read about how Alyssa had internalised her family’s POSITIVE words, because I know how very easy it is to internalise negative messages.
(Not just from my own experience, but others’ too.)
Limit setting without shaming is difficult with this background, and when your children seem to lack awareness of the things that are “obvious” to you.
I long for the day my oldest son realises that he will develop a sense of pride and accomplishment if he puts in effort with his homework. And that even if feels like he ‘fails’ after putting in effort, he can feel proud of giving his personal best.
** I just don’t know how to get him there ** (with me in one piece!).
Thanks for your site Alyssa.
ALL OF THEM ARE REALLY NICE AND SO CAREING
Love this list!
I tell my fifteen year old daughter, I love you and I really like you too.
As all parents love there offspring. (from my experience). But i really like my daughter too, the person she is becoming.
Beautiful.
You are really really awesome mother
I am a big fan of your blog. There are many think I learned from you for my kid
Thanks
I have noticed that when I put my kids on time out or take away a toy or anything like that, the only thing they care about is knowing that I still love them. Despite their bad behavior they want to know that they r still loved. So when we’ve had a bad day I always take them in my arms and reassure them with these words “I love you soo much. There is NOTHING you can do that will ever make me stop loving you, never! I will always love you.” Of course this leads to other words of love on both sides but I have found that this reassurance of love goes a long way.
Thanks for your blog….love it!
Reach for the sky and you can do anything if you want to bad enough , the choices of what is right or wrong you know it’s up to you—-are a few of my favorites followed with I love and trust you.
Let us also extend these beautiful, life-affirming concepts to the animals in our lives, and to all animals. Let’s show children that all living things are deserving of love and respect.
My grandmother used to end every phone conversation with I love you and like you!
I tell my daughter every night that she makes my heart happy. 🙂
Et à ce moment, Lin Feng naturel était dans la lumière du siècle la porte, attendre cinq grands.Après tout, peu importe comment dire, cinq grands prêt à venir de Shanghai, Lin Feng combien pour point de face.En outre, le journaliste chinois si fou, mais aussi parce que les deux parties, initialement hostiles soudain de la réconciliation, et cinq grands mais à Shanghai, qu’est – ce que ça représente, représentant chinois dans le monde des affaires a également levé, a peut – être des étrangers adore!
I read the article “strongly influenced by your post” and saw your comment, I saved both to my pinterest. My son has ADHD pretty severely and gets so much negative feedback in his day to day life. It’s so important for me to encourage him and give him kind words so he doesn’t get discouraged.
Great resource for parents or teachers! Do you have any plans for translating it into Spanish?
I think that’s a good idea, but haven’t made firm plans to do so yet. Thanks!
thanks for great sharing !
I really loved this article! It gave me some new insights I never really thought about before.
Older tv shows like Bob Ross’ painting shows and Mr. Rogers have the kind of inspiring and encouraging words that I wish more shows and parents expressed. For example, when Mr. Rogers said “I like you just the way you are”, it made my heart melt because it is such a kindness when people like you and don’t press or criticize or bully or silently overlook. Too many walk in a shadow of doubts about themselves and hearing these words in their childhood might have made a world of a difference!
Here’s a short excerpt from the show: https://imgur.com/gallery/Wb5GL
Aww,yeah, I loved watching Mr. Rogers when I was a kid, so kind and positive.
This is amazing ,its sometimes so hard to deal with kids and i believe loving them and using positive words on them will do more good.
Thanks Asaba, the words we use make a difference!
Thanks Alissa for these positive list. Can’t find any word to describe it except: Beautiful.
Children are always excited to hear stories about their father’s life. Here are some interesting things you can share with them on Father’s Day.
https://www.parentcircle.com/article/10-things-fathers-should-tell-their-children-about-their-past/
Very nice.
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Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best. Thanks a lot for the wonderful words.
Very nice
Each and every one of these is amazing. It is so important to install the sense of value, self-care, and confidence in your child.