7 Best Ways to Connect with Your Kids in Just 10 Minutes
Life has become so busy, but creating time to connect with your kids is essential. Kids NEED connection.
They are biologically wired to require secure attachment and when they don’t get it, chaos reigns. When the need for connection is met kids become more patient and are better able to self regulate and learn.
If frustrating behavior and chaos has become the norm in your family, consistently scheduled special time may be the answer.
What is Special Time?
Special time is a simple concept with big results. The best part? This doesn’t even require boat loads of patience or tons of time.
“Special time” with your child involves setting aside ten minutes a day to connect without distractions in a way that allows them to lead the play and interactions.
NOTE: it doesn’t have to be perfect – I know I rarely manage to do it with each of my three kids every day, but even when I keep it up sporadically they love it.
And if you have one child who’s going through a particularly challenging time, prioritize spending special time with them.
How can just ten minutes connecting with your kids have an impact?
The short time period is what makes Special Time so powerful.
For ten minutes we can be patient and truly present, and our kids thrive on our presence. Ten minutes is enough to get you started, to give you moments of joy with your children that lead you to want to create those moments more often. When you’ve had a terrible week and you feel angry or resentful, ten minutes is enough to begin bridging the gap that has occurred between you and your child.
When you regularly connect 1:1 with each of your kids you will begin to know what really makes THEM feel loved as an individual – and you can do this just ten minutes at a time.
Grab this free printable to keep a list of ideas for special time as a visual reminder to make it happen! Easy Activities for Special Time Printable List
10 Minute Special Time Activities for Connecting With Kids
Let’s talk about some examples of what special time activities could look like for different ages.
Conversation
Talking with your kids can happen when you’re working on a project or doing a chore together, going on a walk, or taking just one child on an errand.
(We have a whole page dedicated to Conversation Starters if you need some prompts.) Here are a few favorite topics for each age group:
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – reminiscing together: just a simple recount of the day or of a favorite family event can be enjoyable.
- Little Kids – likes, dislikes and learning about who this young person is; pretend play scenarios – making up a story together
- Big Kids – asking about things they care about but you’re not usually excited to talk about – asking them to teach you about something they’ve learned – all the better if you genuinely don’t know the answers
Family Contributions
Working together on family chores gives kids that chance to find their value in the family, to be empowered and know they can make a difference.
You can also ask for company while you’re working on a chore without expecting help, and you may get an unexpected worker who is happy to have a chance to chat with you.
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – These youngsters usually do want to help out. Here are ten fun chores for toddlers or preschoolers.
- Little Kids – Many young children love the repetition and simple satisfaction that comes with folding clothes or ironing.
- Big Kids – Asking for company while you’re cooking or hanging laundry can give you both a chance to catch up during which younger siblings might be less inclined to interrupt.
Nature and Outdoor Activities
If you have no backyard, just going on a walk around the neighborhood or even taking a drive so that you can get out in the woods for some time in nature can give you a chance to breathe and feel more peaceful.
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – Heading outside is usually enough entertainment.
(Check out this list of our favorite outdoor toys for the early years) or take a walk and talk about what you see, look for signs of the season, drag a stick in the dirt. - Little Kids – We’ve loved this book about making fairy houses (Amazon affiliate) and have spent hours in our back yard collecting materials and making little homes for the fairies and their friends.
- Big Kids – Bird watching, caring for a garden, and learning how to train a dog or care for another animal all work well for outdoor activities for older kids.
Arts, Crafts and Making Things
Most kids will love things like having you fold a paper airplane or fortune teller for them. Crafting is a great side-by-side activity that allows for conversation without pressure. (Check out this interview with Artful Parent Jean Van’t Hul for ideas on how to you can connect with kids through art and fit it in, even with a busy schedule.)
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – painting and drawing together – my toddler loves when I trace her hand and mine so we can color them together. Younger kids also get a kick out of “destructive art.”
- Little Kids – Try doing a kid art journal prompt together, enjoy a craft to go with the seasons, or try our doing BIG art.
- Big Kids – this is a great age to share one of your hobbies with your child if they’re interested. You might also look into a craft kit that you can do together. Older kids may be into knitting, drawing, learning to sew or whittle.
Doing arts and crafts with my kids has meant that I need to have a lot of ideas around so I can use what I have on hand – I don’t go for complex!
- We’ve loved our copy of The Artful Parent: Simple Ways to Fill Your Family’s Life with Art and Creativity by Jean of the Artful Parent.
- I also made this list of 20 Arts and Crafts you can do With Just the Basics.
Sensory Play and Exploration
Most kids can’t resist play dough, simple water play, or running your hands through a sensory bin. Adults are often more calmed than they might expect by the same sensory experiences. Without the need for a finished product parent and child can play together and not worry about getting it wrong.
(If the mess is an issue, try out these tips for enjoying and containing messy sensory play.)
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – running fingers through something like cornmeal dough, or trying out one of these creative bathtime ideas
- Little Kids – playing with play dough, or try one of the ideas on this printable list of sensory activities
- Big Kids – playing with clay or maybe trying out a kitchen activity like cooking together or kneading bread dough. For kids who like physical touch try doing neck or hand massage.
(Find all of the Sensory Activities for Children here in our sensory section.)
Family Games
The range of games that work with your kids will change as they get older. Card games and board games bring our family together every week. Here are some of our favorite games for families:
- Board games for toddlers
- Board games for preschoolers and card games for families with pre-readers
- Board games for elementary age kids: that teach science, that support executive function, math board games, reading board games, fun social skills board games
Reading Together
A toddler will happily curl in your lap, a preteen may join you for a retelling of a favorite from their childhood, or may enjoy sharing their favorite comic with you.
(Try these 5 tips for connecting with kids though reading.)
- Toddlers and Preschoolers – simply read and cuddle together; also try looking though wordless picture books and telling the story together.
- Little Kids – extend the stories you’re already reading with one of these 12 easy ways to make reading an interactive activity.
- Big Kids – As kids get into tween and teen years it can be fun to both read and discuss the same books. Series we’ve enjoyed include Harry Potter, the Rangers Apprentice and Percy Jackson.
Other ideas: do Mad Libs; or share a journal like the Just Between Us: A No-Stress, No-Rules Journal for Girls and Their Moms or Between Mom and Me – Mother Son Journal.
Get inspired and make your own list of ways to connect with your kids
Easy Activities for Special Time Printable List
- Choose a few of the things that work best for your kids and jot them down.
- Stick it on the fridge and take a look when you’re feeling uninspired.
- It’s totally OK to repeat activities over and over. The most important thing is to find a way to give your child the connection they need while giving yourself the permission to take it easy.
More Ideas of Ways to Connect:
- These 100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child are simple and doable.
- These Experience Based Gifts for Dads include gifts that are meant for making memories.
- These conversation games are classics.
64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
Subscribe to the Bounceback Field Notes to Download your FREE printable of 64 Positive Things to Say to Kids
This has some great ideas. I love your site. Thank you so much for your honesty. I’ve been in a really negative way of parenting lately – I’ve become a Do-er instead of Mum. I’m either trying to make my kids do something, or I’m trying to get something done myself, and have totally let my parenting slide, I’ve forgotten how to be kind and dread what my kids will say about me when they are older. Your site has given me hope that I can try to get some kindness back in to our lives.
I so appreciate the encouragement to create small, do-able connection moments. Parents easily get overwhelmed thinking meaningful connection has to be lengthy…I like to look at this as a bank account that you continually deposit into–and little moments add up tremendously. Thank you for sharing this!
Great list with some fantastic ideas to connect better with the kids! With digital being so prominent, need to start getting kids go out and play rather than have their face down on a screen all day!
A great list of ideas to get connected to your kids. Happy families, ones that connect well and often, yields happier well-adjusted kids.
#thedanishway
Thank you for sharing so many ideas!! I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about creating a happy, mindful home over this past year. My children are approaching high school, and even after being a stay-at-home mom for the past 13 years I still want to really make the most of every opportunity to connect with them. In my recent blog post, I have shared 2 of my best tips and 3 FREE printables that I know have made a difference in my everyday parenting over the years. You can learn more at https://simplyfunfamilies.com/pursuing-the-happy-mindful-home/
Thank you for such great idea’s. You covered the basics and I love that!
Shanon
http://www.spifi.me
some lovely ideas to share with friends and family. Put down the I pads / x boxes etc and try some of these. You will all benefit it, leads to much calmer kids. It also gives them the satisfaction we are all interested in thier likes and achievements and if crafty dome of the activities are chores they can assist with allowing more free time for shared fun activities. Have fun and let me know which you tried. Any child who has asked and enjoed time to talk whilst washing up or cleaning I will be round to pick them up later!!
Brilliant idea!
I have four children ages 11 to 18 months. With our weekly summer schedule, I scheduled in a half hour “date” with each child each week. They are so thrilled! I told them they could choose anything around our home that they want to do and they are excitedly making lists of date ideas. So far I’ve made a crossbow out of pencils with my 9 year old (idea from frugalfun4boys.com), played checkers and Candyland (which I lost) with my 5 year old, and made cards to give to people with my 11 year old. I’m delighted for all of your great ideas and can’t wait to use them (if my children’s lists ever run out). Thanks for a great website!
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I have three daughters, and they definitely have a need for one on one time. From the time the eldest was about three years old, I started praying with each child on their own before bedtime. I gather them in my arms, pray and then ask them about their day. These 10 minutes have often been the way for them to open up about things that bother them, and yes, the 10minutes have often lasted for an hour, lol! I know that my girls see this time as guaranteed and I am quite sure they feel less anxious at certain times, as they know, come evening, they can talk it over with me and go to sleep, feeling much more peaceful! I very much agree that children see one on one time as an affirmation of their parents unconditional love for them! And they are not timing us 😉 but , yes, ten minutes is a good minimum daily quota to aim for. I wish that for every parent and their child!
Wonderful ideas! I’ve recently been trying to do just this – 10 minutes of playtime with each of my kids. It’s shocking to me, that as a homeschool mom, I don’t actually spend much time one on one playing with them. So I’m trying to be more intentional. With 4 boys, they especially love having their own special time. Thanks for the suggestions!
I really love this. I’ve had a hard time being present with my kids lately. I feel inspired. Thanks for posting.
I just adore this post. Almost every night, my 3 year old daughter asks to do an “actibity” with me. I have taken to spending way to much time on Pinterest trying to plan cutesy activities for her that don’t always work and end up causing stress. Really, she just wants my attention. Even helping me unload the dishwasher counts as an “actibity” in her book. This list will be so helpful to me. Thanks for your perspective. And thanks for getting me out of the Pinterest rat hole. (she said, as she went to pin this post for future reference)
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Marie,, i have twin grandsons who are totally different characters … they require differen “Granny” time and we have lots of little moments while they are w/ me.. sometimes 3 days of the weekend.. i did forward this to their mom… she sticks her head in a book and one is a cry baby but is just so he gets attention from her.. can read that like a book.. he’s like.. what ever works.. the other one has not the same needs but def has his needs.. thanks for the post~~~
LOVE this focus on the 1:1 CONNECT with our children! The connected hearts will respond to one another in love and honor…. So much better than fear factor and so much more fruitful! We call this Keeping Your Love On with your children. Let’s see, my quick list of CONNECT IDEAS for my 6, 7 and 10 year olds. The 10 year old loves to journal. We write MOM AND ME journal entries back and forth (love letters really). She also loves to use my camera. Good connect time with her is letting her use the camera and getting her to take a few shots of the two of us or of me with the younger ones. She likes being the photographer. We all love to play FARKEL together, a travel size dice game that even the 6 year old understands. UNO card game is also addicting to us and I love how I can pull them all together at the end of the day by calling everyone to play a game together, then read a story, then it’s bedtime routines! All 3 kids love Doodle Art. That’s where you give everyone a blank piece of paper and a pencil. They scribble all over the paper. When they feel they are done, they LOOK FOR THE PICTURE in the scribble and use their crayons to outline and color the pictures! Pretty amazing art work. I LOVE doing my own DOODLE ART along with them. Guess it’s really whatever WE enjoy doing together.
I love this post Alissa. It answered what I need to do everyday with my four children. Thank you for all the tips given.
“Showering with a chicken.”
Best. Picture. Ever. The look on that chicken’s face is priceless. 🙂
These are great! It doesn’t take much time to connect with our kids. I love that you included reminiscing for toddlers and preschoolers. My daughter is 4 and one of her favorite “snuggle up” activities is to look through her baby albums.
I made a list (with drawings) on a clipboard of 5-10 of my 2.5-year-old’s toys (miniature cow, dinky car, Little People figure, etc.) with check boxes and hid them around the room. His job was to find them and mark the boxes with a sticker. I folded laundry, but we chatted the whole time, giving him clues or him telling me what he still needed to find.
When I need to run an errand, I take him with me and make a checklist in the same way. He loves being in charge of remembering what we need and placing the ‘check’ sticker on the box. It’s actually enjoyable to shop with him, so it ends up being Mom-and-son time.